Holiday Card Disasters: NOT CLICKBAIT!
by TwinklingCupcake
Summary: 'Yesss said people love laughing at accidents in these things. Here you go.' Not so much disastrous, but a little embellishment never hurt.


In the first week of December, the entire arcade and a few residents of the internet woke to two videos in their notifications. Both pretty self-explanatory.

The first one was called **'Happy Holidays from Us(ss)!'**

Self-explanatory and sweet. A simple, average video greeting card; Ralph, Vanellope, Shank and Yesss huddled in front of the camera, Ralph wearing a ridiculously ugly sweater that seemed to be trying to showcase every winter holiday at once (including something called 'Festivus'), Ralph taking the lead.

"-Okay so," he said, with a strange cut in front of his voice that suggested a hasty edit. "Happy Winter Holiday, whatever it might be! I uh, know most of you in Litwak's see me every day so I can just say it in person, but uh. This uh, this seemed like fun. Sooo... Yeah, Merry Holiday from your favorite wrecker and company!"

"Merry Holiday!" the other three chimed in, Vanellope waving both hands at the camera.

And then it suddenly, abruptly, cut off.

Oh, well, maybe editing was Ralph's job or something. Maybe it just wasn't his best suit.

...And then they looked at the second video.

 **'Holiday Card Disasters'**

'Yesss said people love laughing at accidents in these things. Here you go.'

* * *

A black screen. And a voice.

"Okay, is... is it recording? Does the light mean it's working?"

"Baby, take the cap off the camera..."

"I told you to use the phone camera, Ralph!"

"Nobody uses phones to record this, kid, we have to be- _oh_!" The black was pulled away, and suddenly Ralph's astonished face filled the screen. "Oh, okay. Hey, uh, okay, here we go." He backed away, casually tossing a little black disc somewhere off-camera. "Okay, I got it, get in here everyone!"

* * *

"How are we doing this?"

"Well, obviously Vanellope sits up front, since she's smallest-"

"I can just sit on your shoulders!"

"Baby, if you do that, nobody will be able to see you."

"Yeah, I think your friend can only crouch so low."

"Hey hey! What if we all sat on Ralph's shoulders?!"

"Wha- Vanellope, wait, no-"

"Aaaaand _glitch_!"

The three girls vanished in a flurry of pixels and static one instant... and reappeared on Ralph's shoulders and head the next. Vanellope sat proudly atop his head, Shank and Yesss on either of his shoulders. They all fit...

...but Ralph, clearly not expecting it, jerked in alarm.

And the two ladies, clearly not expecting it either, were off-balance.

Yesss grabbed onto Ralph's head, pulling at his hair to keep herself upright, and succeeded.

Shank, however, tumbled backwards with a yelp of shock.

The resulting _THUD_ got them all to turn around, Vanellope's smile fading. "Oh. Sorry, Shank, you okay?!"

"Yeah..."

"Good thing we're not too high off the ground, haha...right?"

"Vanellope..." was the collective groan.

* * *

Nobody was in the frame. But off to the side, there were whispers.

"I'm not wearing that."

"C'mon, it's a sweater. People wear sweaters for these things!"

"I'm not wearing an Ugly Sweater, Ralph."

The view shifted a bit, as if someone were grabbing the camera. Then it swerved around until it was aimed in the corner of the room, where Ralph and Yesss were having an intense whisper-conversation. Ralph was wearing the sweater he was shown with in the final video, and was holding out another one in a much smaller size. Yesss had her back to the camera, but it was obvious from how she held herself, how her arms were folded, that she was giving Ralph a Look.

(Vanellope, her head blurry from being too close to the camera, giggled quietly.)

"It's just for two minutes! Tops!"

"It's _hideous_."

"That's kinda the whole point, Yesss."

More muffled giggling. The camera shook slightly.

"No. No, absolutely not, I'm not wearing it. I do not want to wear it, I will not wear it, I would never wear it again after this... No."

"Yesss, c'mon-"

"If you make me wear that, I-" Her voice went even lower as she leaned forward, exactly what she would do completely inaudible. Whatever it was she said, though, it made Ralph blanch.

"You _wouldn't,_ " he hissed.

 _"Try. Me,"_ she hissed back.

Ralph shut his eyes long-sufferingly, exhaling through his nose. "Okay. Okay, fine, fine-" he said hastily, draping the sweater around his neck like a too-small scarf. "I'll wear it, okay? No sweater, so you-" His eyes opened just then, and his gaze shifted to behind Yesss. Immediately, he got a look of horror and panic on his face. "HEY!"

Yesss whirled around, her own eyes wide as saucers. "Shank! Vanellope!" she shouted, blush rising to her cheeks.

Vanellope ran out of the frame as Ralph charged forward. Shank's voice was heard saying "Oh, sh-!" before the picture shook and was suddenly cut off.

* * *

The image shifted to a familiar scene: the one from the original video. It was clear that this was earlier in the footage, though, as Vanellope was wearing a blinking Rudolph nose that she hadn't been wearing in the video-card. Shank squinted against the light, tapped Vanellope's shoulder and gestured at her to take it off. Pouting, Vanellope complied.

"Okay, are we all ready?" Ralph was saying, adjusting his position so he could fully be in the shot. "Okay, one, two..."

 _"Ralph, I feel your hand behind me and I swear if you drop the Ugly Sweater around my shoulders..."_

A multi-colored blur dropped down to the floor behind Yesss. "Okay so! Happy Winter Holiday, whatever it might be! I uh, know most of you in Litwak's see me every day so I can just say it in person, but uh. This uh, this seemed like fun. Sooo... Yeah, Merry Holiday from your favorite wrecker and company!"

"Merry Holiday!" everyone cheered, Vanellope waving both hands.

It was subtle and quick, but Yesss's eyes suddenly shifted slightly upward. _"RALPH, HONEY, THE CAMERA!"_ she shouted.

The picture suddenly tilted upwards, barely able to catch Ralph lunging for the camera and knocking the girls over in the process.

 _"OH N-"_

THUD.

Static.

Black screen.


End file.
